I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
