i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
