I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
