fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
