Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
