Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
