When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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