He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
