they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
