Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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