I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
