So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
