I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
