I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
