She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
