i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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