I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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