I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
