He asked me if I "almost moaned"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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