Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
