Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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