I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
