IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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