the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
