Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
