I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
