you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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