So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
