I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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