After last night, I could never be a politician.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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