UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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