i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
