Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
