The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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