Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
