is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
