I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
