Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
