Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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