I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
