Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
