i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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