FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
