Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
