The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
