Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
