Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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