Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
