The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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