turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
