things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
