I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
