I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
