dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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