How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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