Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
